Mums Connect: On Authority
Mums Connect has been reading the book “Authority: How Godly Rule Protects the Vulnerable, Strengthens Communities, and Promotes Human Flourishing” by Jonathan Leeman in the second half of 2024. They plan to continue this book in 2025, when their meeting resumes in January. Sarah Tan, who has been attending the sessions does a review of the book and some of her takeaways thus far.
My broken authority as a mother
“You better not come out!” I yell as I slam the door on my 3-year-old. My buttons have been pushed one too many times, and I have lost control of myself. Rather than be a calm, firm presence, lovingly holding the boundaries for my children, I have turned into an unwieldy monster, at once throwing the weight of my authority at them in a desperate attempt to get them to obey, and at once giving up and saying, “They are out of my control; I have no influence over them; I give up.” I call for my husband to take over, retreat into the bedroom, and melt into a puddle of frustration, helplessness and guilt, all rolled into one.
In motherhood, there are good days, and then there are days like these. On such days, I have often wished that I were not in authority over my children. Someone wiser, more patient, with more self-control, would make a better mum.
So when Mums Connect chose to do a book on authority, I felt a glimmer of hope. Ah, perhaps this book will make me a better parent and authority figure. This is perfect for mums like me. Yet, I also felt trepidation: were any of the GBC mums actually like me?
Recognising the brokenness in all worldly authority
Doing a book like this in community can be scary, because your sin gets laid out in front of everyone, if you allow yourself to be held accountable to what you read. It was comforting therefore that Leeman started off with the premise that we all are, “by fallen nature, misuser[s] of authority” (p. xvi). Though we each had different experiences of authority, both as those under authority or as those holding authority over others, all of these experiences were in some way or other broken.
Leeman helpfully summarises the two ways in which our experiences of authority tend towards brokenness: (1) overauthoritarianism, and (2) individualistically rejecting all authority (p. 8).
(1) Overauthoritarianism
The typical image of overauthoritarianism is that of abusive parents, manipulative spouses, megalomaniac leaders. Yet Leeman points out that bad authority often “charms and persuades” (p. 9). Because of this, we have to acknowledge that we are often complicit in creating these bad authorities, by listening to the call of the serpent to “keep my commandments” instead of God’s. When we hold any worldly authority as absolute in any way, we allow that authority to take God’s rightful place.
One particularly haunting image was that of an abusive leader “us[ing] Scripture to maintain control” (p. 39). While we could have easily distanced ourselves and said, “surely this is not something we would do”, I was encouraged by the bravery of fellow sisters who reflected on how we handle Scripture when quoting it in disciplining our children.
(2) Anti-authority individualism
“No right, no wrong, no rules for me – I’m free,” sings Queen Elsa, in the animated film Frozen. As a late millennial, I have often heard peers echo similar sentiments, and have myself struggled with responding to them, even within my own mind. Though my children have yet to articulate such thoughts, I have often thought, “Why should my children listen to me? Requiring them to wear this particular piece of clothing or say something in a particular way can seem so arbitrary.”
Thankfully, intergenerational community allows me to learn from my forebears. As I related my struggles, I was gently rebuked by a sister. “You need to hold these boundaries because they teach our children that there is a greater authority over them, and that is God.” This wise counsel allowed me to repent of my foolish denial of God as the ultimate authority over all. To act as if I were not in authority would be to deny God’s authority over me, in giving me this very role!
The call to submit despite broken authority
The brokenness of worldly authority tends to lead us to reject submitting to worldly authority at all. Rather poignantly, Leeman points out that even Christian movie storylines “picture the person wrestling only with himself and God”, as “submitting to people [makes] us nervous” (p. 6). Yet to reject all worldly authority would be at odds with what God teaches: “...there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God. Therefore whoever resists the authorities resists what God has appointed, and those who resist will incur judgment” (Rom. 13: 1-2)
Rather than succumb to the absolutism of unquestioning submission, Leeman provides a very nuanced picture. He relates the story of Angela (name changed), a wife who refuses to accept her husband’s decision to quit midway through a theological PhD. By holding her husband accountable to his initial decision to embark on the PhD, and urging him to fulfill his responsibilities as the leader of their family, Angela was submitting both to God and to her husband’s leadership. Our godly submission, despite broken authority, can turn worldly authority Godward too. As fellow wives, this example was especially encouraging for us, though it doesn’t make our submission any easier!
Gospel hope for broken authority
Dear brother or sister, perhaps you relate to the ugly scene I described in the introduction, played out in your home or office (albeit probably with less intensity, if the latter). Perhaps you have found yourself in my shoes, feeling guilty about the authority you poorly wield. Or perhaps you identify more with my 3-year-old, having been at the receiving end of such poor authority.
Authority has shown me that all of us are given authority over something – it’s the mandate that God gave Adam and Eve since creation, to have dominion over the earth (Gen 1:28). All of us have broken that authority in some way. All of us are also called to submit to one another (Eph 5), and ultimately called to submit to God, as Christ himself did, saying “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work” (Jn 4:34). And all of us have also defied God’s will for us to submit, in some way.
While I had never felt the limits of human authority more than when I became a mother, Leeman’s book helped me recognise my need to repent of all the ways, including outside of motherhood, in which I have been given authority and misused it, and in which I have been called to submit and disobeyed. It is in repentance that our broken authority, and our broken submission, can begin to be redeemed. At Mums Connect, as we share with each other, we are encouraged to repent before God and pray for one another to ask God to transform us and allow us to image him better.
Dear brother or sister, I hope you have been encouraged by this post to come alongside others to read together. As we read godly, biblical counsel, and open our hearts to one another, we are slowly transformed, spurring one another to turn to Christ alone as our hope. Indeed, if you are a mum at any stage – whether your child is yet to be born, or has already flown the roost – we invite you to come along for our fortnightly Friday sessions. Come, so that you can be encouraged to press on in the faith – and also so that you can hold us accountable – that we may grow together!
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Mums Connect meets fortnightly on Friday mornings from 9.30am–11am in GBC. The meeting resumes in January 2025 and all mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers are invited. If you’d like to find out more, or are interested to join, please contact Siew Ting (siewting@gracebaptistchurch.sg).