Parenting for His Glory
Our Children’s Ministry team organised a parenting panel on 6 October 2024 to help encourage and build up the many parents in our midst. In recent years, our Children’s Ministry has been growing, and Pastor Jeremy and his team have also been trying to find ways to equip and encourage the parents as they disciple their children. Rachael, one of our young parents, attended this session, and shares with us some of her reflections.
By God’s grace, my husband and I became parents to a baby boy in July 2024. As first-time parents, we had done our research, consulted other parents, and looked up tips and advice on the Internet to prepare ourselves for parenting. We were caught up in all this information, that we forgot what it means to be a parent, and more importantly, a Christian parent. And so, we were grateful for this opportunity to attend the Parenting Panel to learn how we could parent in a godly manner, as well as learn from other parents’ experience.
Moderated by Pastor Jeremy, the panel comprised Pastor Thian Chye and his wife Janice, Pastor Andrew and his wife Carine, together with Dr Jay Clark (Pastor Jeremy’s friend from the US who has five daughters and is the son of a Pastor). They have children from different age groups, so we could see how parenting is like through the different seasons and stages. Questions posed included how to avoid showing favouritism to our children, how to approach discipline as a Christian parent, the differences between relating to boys and girls, as well as how to address our mistakes as parents to our children.
It was encouraging to hear the panellists share candidly about their parenting experiences, the joys and the pains, and how God has sustained them through it all. As much as they have striven to bring their children up in the ways of the Lord, they have also learnt to surrender their children’s lives to Him. I have been particularly encouraged by these reminders:
a) That the goal of parenting is to show our children who Jesus is and shepherd their hearts according to God’s ways. Just as knowing and following Jesus shapes how I have viewed work and marriage, it also shapes how I relate to and discipline my child, what family routines to include, and even how to guide him through the tricky phase of dating when the time comes. It is easy to measure my “success” based on my child’s key milestones and how well he behaves, especially when I compare my situation with other parents’. But this secular barometer is not the way God views us as parents. I am reminded that God has given us our child to steward—not possess as ours alone—for His glory, and so it is His desire that we grow him in the knowledge of His will and ways, not that of the world’s.
Practically, this could mean that when I falter or make a mistake as a parent, I don’t have to be defensive or deny it, but humbly acknowledge my mistake, knowing that I am imperfect and need God’s grace and forgiveness. How good it is that my child can see the gospel displayed through my weakness!
b) That nurturing the relationship with our children forms the basis for teaching and guiding them. Several parents reflected the concern that their children may not take their advice or turn a deaf ear to teachings about the gospel, but a recurrent encouragement from the panellists was to focus on building a strong relationship with our children—being there for them, offering a listening ear, and avoiding the “father knows best” approach that could make them push back against authority. As a teacher, I can particularly relate to that—as goes the saying, “Students don’t care what you know until they know you care.” And so I pray that I will work on nurturing a strong relationship, in hope that it will be easier to speak into my child’s life.
c) That there should be a difference in the way we relate to sons and daughters, and this is guided by God’s design for men and women. I never quite thought that there was a biblical approach to bringing up boys and girls, but was reminded that this is guided by the biblical view of manhood and womanhood. It is not so much about breaking out of gender stereotypes or conforming to standards of masculinity or femininity, as it is about modelling God’s design for man and woman. For example, my husband can model biblical authority as He takes the lead in family devotions, and I, in turn as his wife, submit to him by supporting these teachings and reminding us as a family to put these biblical truths into practice in our daily life.
Attending the Parenting Panel was an edifying time of being reoriented about how my husband and I should be teaching our child the ways of the Lord and constantly leaning on Him for strength and guidance. My prayer is for God to help us parent in His strength and not on our own—we are sinful, imperfect beings who need help from God. Ultimately, our child is God’s gift to us and we trust that He will equip us to be loving and faithful parents. I pray too that He will give us grace and patience to build a relationship with our child, not to “lord it over him” but to humbly teach him and demonstrate how God’s ways are not onerous but gracious, loving and delightful.